When a child is being physically aggressive or verbally abusing others, it is easy to give in to the temptation to punish them for their behaviour. However, this can have the opposite effect of what you are trying to achieve. Staying calm, naming the child’s feelings (e.g. “You are really angry right now”), and giving them space can help them to come down from their ‘high’.
Using Co-Regulation When a Child Shuts Down
There is often a misconception that a child who ‘freezes’ or ‘dissociates’ is behaving badly. They are not. They are overwhelmed with their nervous system and need you to be in a calm state. Sit near them, speak in a low, calm voice and do not ask them any questions.
Setting Boundaries That Feel Safe
By delivering boundaries with warmth and not with frustration they will feel safe. These need to be clear and consistent, you can explain briefly why you are setting that boundary and then follow through quietly and not angrily. Relationship-based responses are more effective than punitive ones (NICE guidance on antisocial behaviour and conduct disorders in children).
Tracking Behaviour Patterns
Using a simple daily log to track the child’s behaviour can be very useful to identify patterns. Many apparent random events turn out to follow a certain pattern. Recording the events, including the time, in the simple way as outlined above and sharing the information with your support team is very useful.
If you are looking for Therapeutic Fostering, see https://saferfostering.org.uk/therapeutic-fostering.
This work of responding to a child and their behaviour is very helpful to a child.